The journey to becoming self-assured

Do you ever wish you could go back in time, to know some of the things you know now, but in time past? I don't really know how that would work but I let my imagination go wild many times.

 I find in recent times, I have thought and uttered these words "how I wish I knew then, the things I know now". But I concluded that every challenge, every mistake and every single thing that I knew or did not know are all part of my story. 

With each passing year, I find that I am becoming more self-assured. I have and am becoming more confident in my abilities, in myself. But it has not always been that way for me and looking back there are possibly reasons for that.

I decided to write down some of those things that can help one in becoming self-assured. I don't know it all, but I hope this is a message that someone can find meaning in them.

I doubt there is anyone on this earth without talent. But we often think, you have to be some superstar musician, award winning actress, maverick scientist or something like that, before you can say you are talented. Your talent is that ability or abilities you have to do something and do it extraordinarily well. Another way of looking at it is: what is that thing that you are good at and would enjoy doing, even if you are not getting paid for it? One of the things I have always enjoyed doing from childhood is writing. I may never get the acclaim of greats like Chinua Achebe or Chimamanda Adichie and that is totally fine. Once you have successfully identified your talent, use passion as a fuel to ignite it.


Just do it and don't stop! Practice as much as you can and in that way you polish your abilities. Also, imbibe an excellent spirit as this will help in identifying improvement areas. Be open to learning as well. An example is motherhood: it is one role I am constantly seeking to improve upon. I keep doing it and learning on this endless journey as I always want to be the best mother for my child(ren).


Yeah, i know that this is like the most proclaimed cliches. But it is true. If you do not believe in yourself then how do you expect others to believe in you? You have something to offer and you are special. It is okay to constantly say out loud to yourself " I can do this". For me, I know I am on this earth for a purpose and it will be my joy to fulfill that purpose. Life is in stages and it is important to enjoy every stage of your life. At some point I was in the clueless stage, for others you may be in the discovery stage or any other stage there is. You are not in a competition with anybody. 


As humans we crave validation from those important people in our lives. We often need someone else to assure us of how amazing we are. It could be from parents, our spouse, our siblings, friends, bosses, etc. and it is great to hear those praises. But imagine the disappointment when you do not get that validation? It could lead to doubt. The truth is you are enough. You do not need anyone's validation before you realise you have something to offer. 


Fear is a very powerful force and can hold you back from becoming the best version of yourself. I struggle with the fear of failing at things, even the fear of being successful. I don't know how to totally banish my fears but I try to make them smaller. But how? By simply doing those things I am afraid of. The worst thing that could happen is failing at that task. You failures should not define you, instead, they should make you fearless.

What other tips or activities are helpful in becoming self-assured?


  1. Self-assurance comes from conquering your fears, opening yourself to new experiences and going outside your comfort zone. Only then can you truly realize what your strengths are...and only when you realize and embrace your strengths can you truly become self-assured.

  2. Self-confidence is very important in everything one does! Fear is a great dream killer, once one is able to conquer fear, the whole job is done. Keep up the good work Nelo. Cheers!

  3. Another thing I'll add is service. When we serve others in different capacities, we get to discover what we are really skilled at. Well written, Nelo!

  4. Nice one Nelo!

  5. Practice does lead to perfection, as we modify our habits, it develops our character! Great post, Nelo

    1. You are right Dami. Thanks for stopping by

  6. I love the way you share motivational articles without using an overbearing tone, your message is gentle and soothing. I really needed to see this right now, thank you!

    I struggled with self-doubt when I was much younger, I guess getting older has its perks, one becomes more self-aware and discovers their purpose.

    All of the points that you raised are true. Like you, I've also conquered my fears by "doing it afraid". The regret that comes with not even trying at all is far worse than failing. Lol

    1. Thank you Nedu. I'm glad you can relate. And like you said, age does have its perks


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